Folks, the first official trailer for The Suicide Squad has arrived and it is a lot to take in. We’ve got homicidal man-sharks with the voice of Sylvester Stallone. We’ve got kaijus. We’ve got John Cena’s truly indescribable cephalic vein. We’ve got bags upon bags of dicks. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, we went through the entire trailer frame by frame, image by image for a complete breakdown of the madness that awaits in James Gunn’s R-rated DC Comics free-for-all.

Let’s dive right in.

Right off the bat, we’re introduced to the visual style Gunn is going for, a rapid-fire, quick-cut banter-thon familiar to most heist movies. For unclear reasons, every member of the Squad present is dressed like they’re weekending in Boca Raton, including Cena’s Peacemaker in a Lacoste polo that is putting up a valiant but futile effort against the man’s sheer width.

Harley Quinn has been taken, and at least a few members of the crew—Flagg, Peacemaker, King Shark, Polka Dot Man, and Bloodsport, for sure—are going sans-costumes to save her. I highlight the above picture of Rick Flagg especially because he appears to have the word “skwad” tattooed on his bicep, which is deeply hilarious.

Our first shot of Harley in the trailer, with Margot Robbie rocking a truly iconic, blood-stained red lewk. Harley has, of course, already saved herself. Kinnaman’s delivery of “it was a super good plan, too” suggests my dude is going to get to play something other than “wooden plank stare” and that’s a good thing.

The trailer starts to introduce more of the new characters who will round out this updated Squad, starting with Gunn regular Michael Rooker as Savant. Typically a Batman villain, Savant suffers from a chemical imbalance in his brain that causes him to experience time non-linearly. This does not explain the hair.

A quick shot of SNL’s Pete Davidson as Blackguard. His real name is Dick Hertz. He’s got toilet paper stuck to his Crocs. He is absolutely going to die in spectacular fashion before the 40-minute mark.

Sean Gunn, who provides the mo-cap performance for Rocket Racoon in his brother’s Guardians of the Galaxy films, is working his magic once again as Weasel, seen here going to town on a glass window. Weasel is one of those classic comic book situations where he started out as just a guy in a themed costume and, over time, turned into a literal monster.

The deal Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) offers this new Task Force X is the same as it’s always been. They get a bomb implanted in their heads and a successful mission equals ten years off their sentence, a failure to follow orders equals an exploding head. We all remember what happened to sweet, beloved Slipknot (Adam Beach) in Suicide Squad. Of course you remember Slipknot. He could climb anything!

This shot showcases a number of new characters that otherwise get no play at all, which does not bode well for their survival odds. Most notably, there is Flula Borg as Javelin (fourth from the left) and Mayling Ng as Mongal (third from the left).

If you hear mass celebrations pouring out into the streets right now, that’s because Jai Courtney has returned as Captain Boomerang. The actor reassured us Boomerang is the “same shitbag liability” he was in the first film and we could not be happier.

The man you see enjoying a nice, cold Pibb Xtra is Nathan Fillion as an original character known as T.D.K. I am, somehow, still not allowed to say what T.D.K. stands for, but it is very funny, and I can only suggest reading up on the exploits of the DC villain Arm-Fall-Off-Boy.

Surprise! King Shark—a man who is also a shark but also royalty under the ocean—is voiced by Sylvester Stallone. Rocky Balboa, in the body of a shark monster, says “nom nom” and eats a man’s head. This is cinema.

Thanks to behind-the-scenes footage, we know Steve Agee is doing all the motion-capture for King Shark, but he’s also playing John Economos, who appears to be Amanda Waller’s tech guy. The fact that he’s not wearing a Dennis Nedry-style Hawaiian shirt is criminal.

During what appears to be a Task Force X orientation, we get a nice glimpse at the personalities of a few new characters, as well as the team dynamic. King Shark is very distracted by his hand. Ratcatcher 2 (Daniela Melchior)—an original character, but one with ties to Batman villain Ratcatcher—is kind’ve just vibing, despite being in the room with a dozen murderers. Polka-Dot Man (David Dastmalchian) is deeply depressed and wants to die. I somehow relate to all of them.

The trailer’s first clear look at Peter Capaldi as The Thinker, who doesn’t seem to be a part of the team, per se, but an unwilling asset in whatever mission the Squad is assigned. There’s been four different Thinkers across DC comics history, but they all have two things in common. 1) They wear a high-tech piece of technology called “The Thinking Cap” that grants them superhuman intelligence and telekinetic powers, and 2) They are raging assholes who betray everyone they’ve ever worked with.

At some point in this film, the Suicide Squad is going to break it the hell down in a club. Polka-Dot Man is absolutely living and you love to see it.

Our only shot of Alice Braga as Sol Soria, leader of the resistance on the island of Corto Maltese who helps Task Force X. She’s got a gun!

Yes.

Either Harley Quinn has a personal blood vendetta against one particular florist or we’re seeing inside the head of Gotham’s maddest vigilante, one of color and chaos.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to get you out of here alive.”

“I’m going to get you out of here alive.”

There’s always going to be a soft heart at the center of James Gunn’s madcap superhero team-ups, and I think this is a glimpse at The Suicide Squad’s prime example. There’s a real found-family sweetness to the exchange between Elba’s Bloodsport and Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2.

(This also means one of them is definitely going to die.)

So The Suicide Squad is not only a superhero war heist, it’s also a dang monster movie. Tear your eyes away from King Shark’s grubby little bathing suit long enough and you’ll see a monstrous beast—”a freaking kaiju,” says Agee—erupt from beneath the tower that seems to be at the center of The Suicide Squad’s plot. Also! Look at that third picture of Harley and you’ll notice A) She’s holding a javelin, and B) Javelin is nowhere in sight.

That giant monster is, in fact, a giant starfish, which can only mean one thing: The deeply strange DC villain known as Starro. Created all the way back in 1960, Starro is a massive alien lifeform who is able to produce millions of miniature versions of itself, which attach themselves to human minds and render them slaves to Starro.

With the role of King Shark taken, I’m convinced, convinced that Taika Waititi—who was on the original cast announcement and completely absent from this trailer—is the voice of Starro. Obviously, this will be incredible.

KEEP READING: ‘The Suicide Squad’ Characters Explained: Who’s in This New Crew of DC Comics Misfits?

No word on if the dancing baby is also returning.

Vinnie Mancuso is a Senior Editor at Collider, where he is in charge of all things related to the 2018 film ‘Aquaman,’ among other things. You can also find his pop culture opinions on Twitter (@VinnieMancuso1) or being shouted out a Jersey City window between 4 and 6 a.m.

[Read More…]